Environmentalists' discussion

"I wear these pants because I like them, thank you very much!" shouted Ernie, having to defend his choice in fashion. "They squeeze the right parts of my body and at the same time allow certain other areas to breathe comfortably. What more could I ask for?"

"At what cost?" asked Ernie's environmentalist friend Gwen. "What kind of damage are you doing to our environment?"

"With my pants? I didn't think you could damage anything with pants. These are some of the first pants I've owned which don't create static electricity with my leg hair strong enough to power Toyota's new 2008 Prius Hybrid," Ernie confidently stated. Cleverly slipping in a product placement to boot.

"But you're depriving this country of its natural resources. What happens when all our world's resources have been extinguished?! Do you want everyone to go pant-less? How selfish!"

"No, Gwen I don't want everyone to go pant-less. A few folks, but not everyone. I've got a plan. If I had the time and skills, I would consider extracting my own leg hair and weaving a pair of pants from my own natural forest. But Gwen, I feel these hair trousers might clash with my booger vest that I so often wear on these chilly autumn nights. You see Gwen, I'm even more resourceful than your trendy ass. While you consume things that come from our earth, I use only my body's own waste products for food, shelter, and yes, clothing. Did somebody say scab shoes? Well, I did. These scab shoes, made from my own natural materials are more comfortable than you think. And they're a hell of a lot better looking than those ugly ass crocs everyone's wearing. All you people are full of it. I've got a closet full of formal attire all made from my own bi-products. I let nothing go to waste. You think I'm not healthy? Check out this entire weight set I carved from my own dried up excrement. Is there a more practical use for poop? Not that I'm aware of. I glaze my own donuts and salt vegetable dishes with my own urine- you don't have to - that's just what I do. Forget about "human waste." Let's put it to "human use." If you care about the environment, its the right thing to do."